Part I: You will have to ask people for things. Most of them will say “no.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson’s Self Reliance was required reading my freshman year of high school. And while the focus of that particular essay is on one’s inner strength and trust in himself, I also recall being taught the virtue of doing things for myself.
Make no mistake about it, self reliance is a virtue in business. Being able to accomplish tasks yourself, being willing to make decisions for yourself, and having the discipline to work when your friends are out playing are all requisite qualities for an entrepreneur of any age.
But there inevitably comes a time in any business venture when you will have to ask someone for something. The very nature of business as a series of mutually beneficial exchanges between parties demands that at some point you will have to interact with others.
Even in entry level positions this holds true. If you work as a retail clerk, you’ll be asking people if they want to get the company’s credit card. If you work in a restaurant, you’ll be asking people to dine & wine with you. If you work in a call center, you’ll be asking people to buy products from you.
And if you’re running your own business, well, then the list of things you’ll be asking for will be very long, and will likely include:
- Asking a bank or investor for funding
- Asking your friends or family for support
- Asking a peer for help
- Asking someone with connections for introductions
- Asking a source for intelligence
- Asking a mentor for advice
- Asking your customers or clients for referrals
- Asking strangers to become your customers or clients
- And the list could go on for another million questions, or so.
And here’s the worst part: No matter how good your product is, no matter how likable you are, no matter what, a large portion of the people you ask for something will tell you “No.”
They’ll have their reasons, even if they don’t share them with you. Maybe they don’t trust you or your product. Maybe they’re too busy. Maybe they don’t like doing favors. Maybe they don’t have the money to do it right now. Whatever the reason is, the simple fact is that they’ll say “No.”
There are two reasons I wish I had learned this lesson before I ever entered the business world to learn it for myself.
First, I am atrociously bad at asking people for things. Whether it’s a foolish belief in a strange type of self-reliance or mere shyness, I’m not sure. What I do know is that whatever the reason, I get very uncomfortable when I have to ask someone to do something for me. In the end, this has the effect of creating even more people who will say “No” to me.
I’ve found that there are two remedies for this problem.
- Start asking people for things. Start asking now, start asking today. The more comfortable you are asking for things, the better you’ll be at it.
- Second, remind yourself that when you ask for something that you should be offering something in exchange. The number of people out there who will provide favors at no cost is near zero. The number of people who will share value in exchange for value is great. Even if you’re low on capital, you’ve got something to offer in exchange – figure out what it is.
The second reason I wish I had learned this is that I still struggle when people tell me “no.” Even the kindest of rejections sting, and I wish I had better prepared myself to simply roll off of those rejections and keep going, rather than dwelling on them.
As with the discomfort asking people, experience can teach you to take rejection in stride, and knowing what you have to offer will decrease the times you have to do it in the long run.
So, get out there and start asking people for things. It’ll do you good.
TJ Wihera blogs at http://www.generationwhy.com/whysperspective
You can follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/timothy_wihera
